19 October 2015

Goodbye, Dad

I remember the day Curtis came home—early last year—with an ashen face. He told me he got some bad news. I thought he was going to say he lost his job. He only started a month before. But what he said was something that would never have crossed my mind. "My dad has cancer." That was a hard night. But we would carry that grief and uncertainty with us over the next year and a half.

Marty was in and out of the hospital, for what seemed like weeks at a time, for the rest of his life. One time his body reacted negatively to chemotherapy. That cost him almost a month. Then he had an invasive esophagectomy. Another few weeks. Blood count loss and dehydration cost him days and weeks, more than once. I think it goes without saying: Cancer is the worst.

After moving back from Germany, Curtis and I made it a priority to visit Boise as often as we could. That turned out to be almost every month this year. A few weeks ago, Tyler called Curtis and said, "I don't know if anyone is keeping you in the loop, but it's not looking good." We decided to come right away. We drove the seven hours on a Friday morning to spend General Conference weekend with the family.

Marty was actually feeling pretty good. He even threw out the idea of going out to milk cows that afternoon. That was a good sign. Milking a cow is one of the first items on my bucket list. Marty has always wanted to take me. In fact, he told me that one of the thoughts that kept him going through some of his weakest moments was that he still needed to teach me to milk a cow. We never got to.

After the Saturday morning session, we took a walk to the Village across the way and decided to have lunch out. We got fish tacos. He got to see his grandson show everyone how to ride a real bike. One without pedals. It couldn't have been a more beautiful day. Sunday was just as lovely. We drove home that afternoon with the irking feeling that we were saying goodbye for the last time.

Curtis went back to work, and I went to the dentist. But before the work day was even over, we got another call. We left that night and drove until four o'clock in the morning. Marty was losing blood quickly, and the nurse said it was just a matter of days. She was right.

On Thursday afternoon, about three o'clock, Eva Lu came downstairs to tell us all that it was time. We all, Eva Lu, the four children, and two children-in-law, gathered around the bed. Curtis, with his brother Tyler, laid their hands on their father's head while Curtis offered a blessing. As his dad was struggling for air, Curtis spoke the words that let his soul feel at peace. "He will watch over your children just as you have watched over His." We all felt that sacred moment when Marty took his last breath and was received by heaven.

The next few days left no time to rest for those of us left behind! We were all busy making preparations for a musical tribute on Sunday night, the viewing on Monday night, and the funeral on Tuesday morning. Although dozens of decisions needed to be made, the final result was a wonderful celebration of who Marty was—not just to us, his family—but to hundreds of people near and far.

So many beautiful things were said of Marty, our dad, but the thought that stuck out to me was said by Joe Quatrone:
"His hands were well lived. It wasn’t just all the wallpapering . . . plastering . . . home repair . . . pizza oven building . . . leatherwork, woodwork, boondoggle, and Eagle Scout projects. His hands defined him. The holding of . . . the lending of . . . the giving of . . . the sharing of."
The last few days Marty was with us, I didn't feel like I really deserved to be up in his room spending a lot of time with him. I wasn't his child or an old friend. I don't believe that I changed his life or that I was on his mind too terribly much. But when I did come up there, he gave me his hand. And he held mine. And he told me, "Don't ever feel like I don't love you . . . because I love you so much." With those last words to me, he gave me so much more than his hand. And I'll always love him for it.

28 September 2015

Blue Skies in Seattle

Since Curtis and I both have family in Seattle, we've been wanting to make a trip up there for at least a year now. It's only a three-hour car ride, after all. 



After nearly gagging as we passed the gum wall, we took a ride on the Seattle Center Monorail. The kids loved it, as did we all.






After walking around the Space Needle, we found a neat play area at the Seattle Center. Sebastian and dad (of course) had a blast climbing high and chasing. Livia likes to stay within the range of the camera.





On Monday, Christopher and Auntie Laura took us to Mt. Rainier National Park to view the mountain from a lovely high trail and to Tipsoo Lake. It couldn't have been a more beautiful day.



10 August 2015

Ape Cave

It happens to the best of us. We get stuck in the rut of everyday life and we forget to do stuff. So Curtis and I decided it was time to get out and try something new. We heard about the Mt. St. Helens Ape Cave a week ago and thought we should go explore. It turned out to be a perfect activity for a hot summer day! The cave, discovered in the 1950s, is the longest lava tube in the continental US. The temperature was a cool 40 degrees and the lighting came only from our flashlights.



Near the entrance of the cave, Sebastian was understandably "a little bit nervous." We told him that it's OK to be nervous and that we should look at the cave closer so we could see what it was.


He had a good time touching the wet walls and dripping stalactites; he even let it slip that he had "a little bit of fun . . . I mean nervous."




Livia had a great time walking through all by herself. At first, she kept falling down because she's used to walking on flat sidewalks or soft carpet. She learned quickly to look where she was stepping, and she turned into a natural spelunker. At the very end of the cave, the tunnel tapered smaller and smaller . . . and Livia kept on exploring! I had to stop her before I couldn't fit any more!




We haven't stopped talking about the cave in our house and we can't wait for our next adventure.

13 July 2015

New Year's Updates

Well, it's been seven months, so I decided to check in on my New Year's Resolutions. It's been, you know, seven months since I've checked in, but I think I've made good progress nonetheless!

Nutritional
Our porch isn't ideal, but I managed to plant a garden anyway! I have 12 tomato plants, 8 bush beans, and a flourishing basil plant.

I have managed to stick pretty well to a meal plan! It's hard to say whether I've stuck to $40/week, but I suppose it's between $40 and $50 each week. The most important thing to me is that we don't waste food, and I'm happy to report that haven't thrown any food away (except for that one container of leftover lentils).

Financial
I'm also pleased to report that I haven't purchase any clothes or makeup at all! I realized I had to define what "extra" meant, and for me, that was clothes and makeup.

You could also say we've already managed to save our 20% down payment for a house, but I guess that depends on how expensive the house is! We're going to keep saving until winter, and we'll see what happens then.

Physical
Sorry . . . haven't done yoga every week, but I have done some sort of exercise at least twice a week, so I call that a success!

I'm still working on growing out my hair. It's seriously a daily struggle, which would make sense to those who know me well.

Recreational
We went on a family camping trip for Memorial Day weekend, so check! That was my job. Curtis still needs to get us on a real vacation soon! I've been dying to go to Seattle since we got here.

Professional
Since mom is my job title, my professional goals included teaching Sebastian to ride his bike and use the toilet. Check and check! I have also started tutoring, earning a bit of extra cash too.

Organizational
I haven't counted, really, but I am keeping on top of how many clothes are in my closet. I think I'll have to wear through the next season to really figure out where else I can cut. I'm not done yet, but I'm feeling confident!

All in all, I'd say I'm making good progress for the year. I still need to finish my programming course, read a book, and learn how to use a DSLR camera. I think I can do it!

02 June 2015

Livia Is One

It came and went so quickly, that first year. Livia, my sweet baby love, has been walking for two months, speaking sweet words, and trying desperately to climb on what I will allow.

A few fun facts . . .

  • Livia applied for her first passport before she was 1 month old.
  • Livia has lived in 4 different places and traveled through 13 different states (in order OR, WA, NC, VA, DC, TN, KY, IL, MO, SC, ID, UT, and TX). She has flown 5 times and visited the capitols of three different countries. 
  • Livia got her first tooth the weekend after we visited Paris.
  • Livia has eaten sand from beaches on both sides of the United States.
  • Livia takes after her dad's ears, fair skin, and blonde hair. And she LOVES her dad.
  • Livia did not sleep in a crib until she was 11 months old.
  • Livia weighs 19 pounds and a few ounces.
  • Livia currently has 8 teeth. And she's very good at chewing her food.
  • Livia's first word was her own name.
  • Livia doesn't really have a favorite food. But she will always eats rocks (or dirt or leaves or wood or other non-food items).
  • Livia can say "Livia (Wia)," "all done," "thank you," "diaper," "let go," and "shake it off."
  • Livia knows how to relax every muscle in her body. When she sleep, eats, or just cuddles, she turns into what I call "Limp Noodle."
  • Livia taught herself to blow bubbles. She does it every time she is in the bath. She can't help it.
  • Livia started walking on her 10 month birthday in the living while Sebastian was taking his evening bath.
  • Livia loves going down the slide. She just walks off the platform like she's walking the plank.


For Livia's birthday, we traveled to Boise to visit Grandma and Grandpa Hale. Grandpa is still in the hospital due to chemo complications, so we made our first stop to his room.


Since the rest of the family was busy on Livia's actual birthday (Grandma and Grandpa were in the hospital, and Dad was mountain biking with Wesley), Livia, Sebastian, and I decided to explore one of our favorite parks by ourselves. Kleiner Park is just a few years old and features lots of green space and a well-designed playground, but when we arrived, we realized we forgot about the splash pad! What a fun surprise! We ran around in the water, played on the giant spider web, and rolled down the hill for hours. Livia especially had fun, which made me so happy. I only wish that more people could have enjoyed her special day with us.




Saturday we had a birthday lunch in honor of our sweet girl. Great Grandma Dalley (or Other Grandma, as Sebastian calls her), hosted and made creamy macaroni and cheese for our special meal. I baked a gorgeous cake that is almost as beautiful as Livia: strawberry summer cake. Livia doesn't eat a lot of real food, but she does eat sticks and rocks and dirt and trash as soon as she lays her eyes on them. The cake looked and smelled amazing, and since Livia is actually eating it, it must have tasted delicious as well. 




Grandma got Livia a lovely dress from Hawaii and a sweet puppy that Livia actually carries and hugs. It turns out that Livia's next new word is puppy ([ˈpʰʌ p̬iː]), so we know she loves it.


Before we left to drive home, we made another stop at the hospital. It was a tender time for Livia to spend more time with her Grandpa, and we could tell by the look in her eyes.


Livia, I hope you know how much I love you! I know you don't always get the attention you deserve, but that's the way things go when you're second in line. But don't worry too much; I know how it feels! You are the sweet, sweet reprieve at the end of my days—especially my hard ones. I'll hold you in my arms, and your legs will dangle as you just melt into me, and just a few moments of that is more fulfilling than a whole hour at the spa. I'm serious! The way you smile when you close your teeth and squint your eyes (like this) just gets me every time.


I have love-love-loved watching you learn and focus and dream and achieve in this very short year, and I am looking forward to everything else you surprise me with this next year.

18 May 2015

The Real Five-year Anniversary

Since Curtis was out of town the week before and the week after our anniversary, our celebration waited a few weeks. And what a perfect weekend we waited for! An anniversary and Mother's Day falling on the same weekend makes for a very pampered wife and mom.

On Saturday, Curtis planned a perfect day for us. We drove just ten or fifteen minutes to the town next to ours to find a hike. Curtis found a lovely and kid-friendly trail that lead to a waterfall. The trail itself was gorgeous. We walked along the river, surrounded by lush green ferns and tall, tall, tall trees covered with moss. The sunlight streamed through the treetops, which were hundreds of feet above us. The dirt trail was not too steep that Sebastian couldn't ride his bicycle, so he pushed himself alongside us as we walked hand in hand. Another perfect moment. We heard falling water and caught glimpses of a bridge through the leaves. We crossed the bridge and found our way under it, leading to some rocks overlooking the falls. As I watched Curtis wear Livia and hold Sebastian's hand on top of that rock, I thought about what a great man I married. Two weeks late doesn't mean I can't reflect on what a great relationship we've developed over the last five-plus years. He's a near-perfect man, an adventurous dad, and a wonderful companion.

As we made our way back to the car, Sebastian started feeling adventurous enough to pick up his feet down some of the hills. It's a good thing we both forgot our cameras because I think our moms would die to watch Sebastian experience "downhill mountain biking" for the first time. At first, he skidded his feet the whole way down some of the slopes, but then he attempted to place his feet on the footrest of his bike. What an exhilarating run for Sebastian and view for Mom! And what would a mountain biking experience be without a big fall. He cried for a bit, but was back up and coasting down the next hill in no time.

Sunday we went to church, which I love on Mother's Day because there are always treats. A candy bar and giant cookies this year. Score! Sebastian, Livia, and I went outside to look for snails so Curtis could cook us a delicious meal in peace.



Mmm! I could smell the butter and garlic from outside. We had a lovely meal of salad and broiled lobster tail with a very unhealthy-but-oh-so-delicious butter sauce. I'm so spoiled!

On Monday, we stopped by the Portland Oregon Temple before we dropped Curtis off at the airport. Even though he would be gone for the next week, we were lucky to get to reflect on the reason our marriage is even possible. In the Visitor's Center, we sat at the feet of Jesus Christ, and showed Sebastian the marks in His hands and feet. He touched Jesus' feet, then looked at his own. It was a sweet moment.




We took some much-needed time to celebrate us and our life together, but if I am honest, a day rarely goes by that I don't think of how blessed my life is by my sweet husband. We are both not without our faults, but at the end of the day, we are each the best thing for the other. Curtis elevates me in ways I didn't realize a person could. He treats me with kindness and compassion that I don't think I deserve; yet, he makes me feel like I am such a deserving woman. He kisses me the moment he comes home from work and holds my hand while he's driving. In fact, he always drives. He changes diapers all weekend so I can have a day off. He speaks to me softly. He somehow knows how to answer all my tricky do-you-think-I-look-fat?-type questions perfectly. He thinks I'm the hottest woman alive. He understands my past and accepts who I am trying to be. He encourages me to do anything I want to do. He lets me relax when I need it but pushes me to work when I need that too. He is just the best. And I feel so lucky to know that five years is still only the beginning.

04 May 2015

Two and a Half Times Two-hundred

The older Sebastian grows, the more brilliant he proves to be. When Sebastian first started walking at eleven months, my dad would comment how incredible his balance and leg control were. Most people watch a walking toddler and see an expected milestone; he saw a miracle. That's sort of how I view speech and language. Sebastian, at two and a half years, is able to communicate nearly anything he wants. If he doesn't know the word, it usually takes just one time of hearing it to be able to use it correctly.

In the past six months, Sebastian has dramatically increased his vocabulary and phonemic inventory. Linguists estimate that toddlers know roughly five-hundred words. Since that's more than I'm able to document here, I'll just write up a few of my favorite Sebastian speech examples.

Turbines
As I mentioned, it rarely takes Sebastian more than one time of hearing a word to get it. For example, as we were driving through the Oregon countryside, we saw many large, industrial wind turbines. (I would have called them windmills, but Curtis promptly nipped that improper term in the bud.) Sebastian, having never seen these before, called them "airplanes." First of all, what an incredible association. Second, after Curtis said, "Those do look like airplane propellers, Sebastian! But those are actually called wind turbines. They look similar, but they generate power instead of fly in the sky." Then we hear Sebastian say turbine over and over and over . . .

Cold
One interesting thing that Sebastian is obsessed with is the cold. In fact, he won't tolerate anything else. I'm not exactly sure when it started or what prompted his aversion, but within the last few months, Sebastian has requested that we freeze his food. Follow me, now . . . I'll prepare a hot meal, because hey, we enjoy hot meals in our house. So we'll place a plate of steaming food in front of Sebastian, and he usually exclaims, "Make it cold first!" So we have to put it in the freezer. If we try to just blow in it, he'll remind us, "No! Freezer!" So there we have it. Cold water to wash hands, cold water to drink, cold food to eat. Naturally he loves ice cream. Sometimes I won't bother reheating leftovers, and the way to entice him to eat lunch is to remind him that it's cold.

I Basin
The other day, a woman asked Sebastian how old he was. We haven't really practiced this question yet, but I guess we need to because apparently it's all people know how to ask a toddler. She asked him, "How old are you, cutie? Are you three?"
Sebastian shook his head, "No."
"Are you two?"
Sebastian looked at her like, silly lady, "No, I Basin!" while patting his chest.
Of course.

Pirate
We were hastily walking to a doctor's appointment, when a man who lives in our apartment complex walked past us to take out his trash. He seemed like a nice man, but was wearing an eye patch. Sebastian took one look at him and started to yell, "Pirate! Pirate! Pirate!" I'm thinking, I don't even know how he knows what a pirate is! Honestly, he's never seen one other than a cheap plastic finger puppet that he got at a grocery store treasure hunt. We designated that thing as a bath toy. But, yep, I have called that a pirate before. But man, how quickly he made the association of a simple eye patch to that pirate. Very clever, indeed. Embarrassing, but clever.

. . . is
One interesting grammatical construction that Sebastian uses is placing the verb is at the end of sentences. For example, he will say, "Where Tigey is?" or "Sky blue is," or "Dad at work is." I will repeat his sentence using the correct word order, and he will again repeat it correctly; however, when he creates his own novel sentences, he places the is at the end. Interesting! I believe this comes from how we frequently place is (or any verb) at the end noun clauses. For example, Sebastian reads a book called Skipper's Bone. In it, a puppy named Skipper asks different animals if they have seen his bone. He asks, "Do you know where my bone is?" (Where my bone is is the noun clause.) While questions place the verb directly after the wh- question word and before the subject, noun clauses with wh- question words place the verb after the subject, just like a normal sentence.

The Best Moon
Another favorite quote shows, again, how Sebastian thinks and what is in the world he knows. We started playing a "You're the best" game. It's simple: I would tell Sebastian, "You're the best!" And he would respond, "No, you're the best!" It was cute. Then I shook it up: "Well, you're the best Sebastian!"
"You're the best Mom!"
"Well, you're the best son!"
"You're the best moon!"
Ha! I thought. He definitely understands relationships: Sebastian and Mom, boy and Mom—so, of course, son and moon.

Too
"It's too tasty" is a common phrase at the dinner table. Although it sounds like a good thing, Sebastian says this when he doesn't like something. We're not sure where it came from, but we suspect that he understands the word "too" as a negative and limiting word. We do, afterall, say, "That's too fast," when fast is usually a good thing, too fast is not and usually leads to us saying, "Stop!" Sebastian also uses this construction when saying things like, "It too hurts."

Wi-ah
After a few versions of her name, Sebastian has settled on "Wia" for Livia. He says it so often that Livia said her own name for her first word. One of my favorite phrases is "I want to sing songs with Wia." Of course it's when he's supposed to be in bed himself, but how can I resist?

But I'm Happy
When Sebastian can tell that I'm getting upset, he'll turn the tables, pat his chest, and yell, "But I'm happy!" I think this phrase shows two things: First, Sebastian's disposition is, in fact, generally happy. He rarely wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, and if he is feeling cranky, usually a tender touch and expression of understanding turns him around. Not always, but generally. Second, I think this shows how Sebastian is definitely entering the opposition-in-all-things phase. He's not afraid to try doing what I don't want him to do. And that's a really healthy part of testing toddler boundaries. In this case though, I'm happy to let him win.

Processes
Sebastian's pronunciation is clearly much more clear than it used to be. Research shows that two-year-olds are generally between 50% and 75% intelligible. While I understand nearly everything he says, the phonological processes sometimes still get in the way to unfamiliar audiences.

One phonological process that stands out in Sebastian's speech is assimilation, when one sound in a word influences another sound in a word. Sebastian says "biaper" and "gog," but he can certainly say /d/ in words like "Dad" and "dancing."

Sebastian also reduces many of his consonant clusters. He says /tɑp/ for "stop," but /pu pes/ for "toothpaste."

Another process is weak syllable deletion, which is obvious in the way he says his name. He also says /bi ko/ for "bicycle," deleting the middle syllable.

Stopping, replacing fricatives into stops, is less common for Sebastian: he says /dɪs/ for "this," but he can say "sad" and "fish."

Broken
When we were at the aquarium with my mom, a poster near the shark exhibit warned about the damaging effects of illegal shark hunting. A small picture showed shark fins that had been cut off. Sebastian looked at that picture and amazingly understood exactly what it was: "broken sharks." My heart! We have seen broken cars and broken trees (from strong wind a few weeks ago!), but we've never really seen hurt or dead animals. That he could tell that that picture (which I didn't even see) showed shark fins—and that those fins were from sharks—amazed and touched me. He continued to show this sensitivity toward animals when he saw his first broken snail on the sidewalk. He said, "Oh, sad! Broken snail!" (/bwoˈ kn̩ s̪eɪw/) He screams at his friend when he tries to crush snails, "Ne taka!!!" Now, if he sees a snail crossing the sidewalk, he picks it up by its shell and places it in the bushes.

Bulgarian
Our neighbor, who has a son Sebastian's age, is from Bulgaria, so they speak Bulgarian around Sebastian a lot. Sebastian now speaks a few Bulgarian words to his friend, including ne taka (don't do that [which Sebastian usually yells]), baika (the bike), e-la tuk (come here), zdravey (hello), dovizhdane (goodbye [which Sebastian says vine]), and kakvo (what).