Livia Is One

It came and went so quickly, that first year. Livia, my sweet baby love, has been walking for two months, speaking sweet words, and trying desperately to climb on what I will allow.

A few fun facts . . .

• Livia applied for her first passport before she was 1 month old.
• Livia has lived in 4 different places and traveled through 13 different states (in order OR, WA, NC, VA, DC, TN, KY, IL, MO, SC, ID, UT, and TX). She has flown 5 times and visited the capitols of three different countries. 
• Livia got her first tooth the weekend after we visited Paris.
• Livia has eaten sand from beaches on both sides of the United States.
• Livia takes after her dad's ears, fair skin, and blonde hair. And she LOVES her dad.
• Livia did not sleep in a crib until she was 11 months old.
• Livia weighs 19 pounds and a few ounces.
• Livia currently has 8 teeth. And she's very good at chewing her food.
• Livia's first word was her own name.
• Livia doesn't really have a favorite food. But she will always eats rocks (or dirt or leaves or wood or other non-food items).
• Livia can say "Livia (Wia)," "all done," "thank you," "diaper," "let go," and "shake it off."
• Livia knows how to relax every muscle in her body. When she sleep, eats, or just cuddles, she turns into what I call "Limp Noodle."
• Livia taught herself to blow bubbles. She does it every time she is in the bath. She can't help it.
• Livia started walking on her 10 month birthday in the living while Sebastian was taking his evening bath.
• Livia loves going down the slide. She just walks off the platform like she's walking the plank.

For Livia's birthday, we traveled to Boise to visit Grandma and Grandpa Hale. Grandpa is still in the hospital due to chemo complications, so we made our first stop to his room.

Since the rest of the family was busy on Livia's actual birthday (Grandma and Grandpa were in the hospital, and Dad was mountain biking with Wesley), Livia, Sebastian, and I decided to explore one of our favorite parks by ourselves. Kleiner Park is just a few years old and features lots of green space and a well-designed playground, but when we arrived, we realized we forgot about the splash pad! What a fun surprise! We ran around in the water, played on the giant spider web, and rolled down the hill for hours. Livia especially had fun, which made me so happy. I only wish that more people could have enjoyed her special day with us.

Saturday we had a birthday lunch in honor of our sweet girl. Great Grandma Dalley (or Other Grandma, as Sebastian calls her), hosted and made creamy macaroni and cheese for our special meal. I baked a gorgeous cake that is almost as beautiful as Livia: strawberry summer cake. Livia doesn't eat a lot of real food, but she does eat sticks and rocks and dirt and trash as soon as she lays her eyes on them. The cake looked and smelled amazing, and since Livia is actually eating it, it must have tasted delicious as well. 

Grandma got Livia a lovely dress from Hawaii and a sweet puppy that Livia actually carries and hugs. It turns out that Livia's next new word is puppy ([ˈpʰʌ p̬iː]), so we know she loves it.

Before we left to drive home, we made another stop at the hospital. It was a tender time for Livia to spend more time with her Grandpa, and we could tell by the look in her eyes.

Livia, I hope you know how much I love you! I know you don't always get the attention you deserve, but that's the way things go when you're second in line. But don't worry too much; I know how it feels! You are the sweet, sweet reprieve at the end of my days—especially my hard ones. I'll hold you in my arms, and your legs will dangle as you just melt into me, and just a few moments of that is more fulfilling than a whole hour at the spa. I'm serious! The way you smile when you close your teeth and squint your eyes (like this) just gets me every time.

I have love-love-loved watching you learn and focus and dream and achieve in this very short year, and I am looking forward to everything else you surprise me with this next year.

These Feet Were Made For Walking

Today's the day! Livia's a walker. She's been taunting us since Christmas break! Livia has been standing on her own for more than a few months now, even squatting to pick something up and standing again all by herself! She's definitely more cautious than her daredevil brother, but you can see the concentration and thought put into each move she makes. She wasn't going to walk until she could do it with confidence. But now she's done it.

And look at the other shenanigans she's getting into! (Why the dishwasher?)

If the combination of that hat and those cheeks don't kill you, I don't know what will.

Love you, sweet Livia! We're proud of you and all your determination, curiosity, and adventure.

Love Is In the Air

As Valentine's Day rolls around this year, I challenged myself to make the perfect cheese fondue and list the most irresistible things about my babies.

I love the way Sebastian runs on his tippy toes. He has been doing this ever since he first started walking. Sometimes he'll wag his head from side to side as he shuffles his feel, and his sweet grin just makes me chuckle every time.

Livia has the sweetest fingers. Maybe it's because they are tiny. But when she's eating or looking at something intently, she points her finger as straight as she can. I always wonder what she's discovering.

The first time Sebastian walked around on snow and ice this year, he was cautious but excited. He, as usual, had cars in his hands. Although I thought it was pretty cute how he would try to step on the ice, it was when he fell down flat on his back that I couldn't handle. He lay there for a second or two, then rolled over and immediately started rolling his car on the ice. Falling never phases this boy.

Livia is generally a life-loving gal, but when Sebastian goes to sleep, she knows. It's her absolute favorite time of day. She is awake and smiling and wiggling and kicking around so much that Curtis and I can't help but give her all our attention. That's probably the reason she loves it so much.

Sebastian's language skills are sky-rocketing these days. He's picking up on words that we don't even try to teach him. He's still getting used to pronouns, however, and I take it as a great sign of learning when he mixes them up. His favorites these days are "hold you" when he wants to be held and "sit me" when he also wants to be held.

I never thought I would love any other babies legs more than I loved Sebastian's until I saw Livia's. Her chunky little legs just kill me every time I look at them! When we stretch on the floor, sometimes she'll straighten them out as much as she can, and every little roll squeezes together. Delicious! My favorite, though, has to be when she froggy kicks her legs. She does it when she's excited—or randomly—and I love it every time.

Little Livia

Today little Livia turned six months old. And she picked a fabulous way to celebrate her half birthday—crawling! Livia is the sweetest, most content, patient, angelic baby I've ever met. And she's 100% Daddy's girl. She lights up at the sight of her dad more than anything else.

Rocking back and forth at the sight of her dad = love

Cutting Hair and Cutting Teeth

Livia was born with pretty hair. It wasn't quite the mop that Sebastian was born with, but it was just pretty. Nice and fluffy on top, long in the back. Just pretty. But it soon got out of hand. She probably wasn't even a month old. But I just couldn't stand to cut it. I'd ask Curtis if he thought her hair was too long. "It's kind of pretty, though," he'd always say. And it was! But now that she's almost five months old (!), I decided it was time. So, I cut her hair. And it hurt—me, that is. Livia was an angel, as always.

But what hurts me even more than cutting her pretty hair is when Livia decides to cut things on her own . . . cut teeth, that is. 

She looks so sweet and innocent . . . but then . . . 

October 19, 2014: The day I got teeth.

Eeek eek!

Livia, you are just growing up too fast. You are just the sweetest thing. I say that every day, you know. You sleep like an angel. You are happy almost all the time. You smile at me from across the room! I love love love your gummy smile, but I know you can't stay small forever. And that makes me so excited to get to know you more and see who you are. I love you and I love your cheeks!

(Don't mind my hair. Sebastian was just crawling on my head.)

Oh, and happy birthday, Auntie Austen!!!

Moments That Matter Most

I can still see the peace that had been washed over his face. His pink eyelids were delicately closed as he breathed short, deep breaths in my arms. It was close to two o'clock in the morning. I lay there and stared at his body, so small and secure, cradled in the crook of my arm, in the dim light of the moon coming through my window. As I stroked his fluffy hair, I thought, I want to remember this moment for the rest of my life.

I often find myself wanting to remember important events, out-of-the-ordinary happenings that make my life seem more remarkable in some way or another, like hiking to the top of a glacier in the Swiss Alps or posing next to a crocodile in Cozumel. There's nothing wrong with that: These events are often very happy memories. Sometimes we get lucky with a camera, immortalizing moments that mean something to us, moments that make our lives unique.

But then there are moments that Instagram will never be worthy of. Maybe these moments can be photographed, but these moments I simply just want to enjoy. These moments are short. And sometimes we get lucky and realize what they are before these moments are gone.

These are just some of my moments:

when Livia goes completely limp as she eats.
when Sebastian clasps his hands and squeezes his eye to pray.
when I realized the crease in Sebastian's forearm was beginning to disappear.
when Livia gets all shifty-eyed as I stroke her eyebrows right before she falls asleep.
when they pout their lips and arch their back right after they wake up.
when Sebastian calls my name as I pick him up from nursery.
when they yawn and stretch their fists to the top of their heads.
when Sebastian points at the hummingbirds or the butterflies with excitement.
when Livia's eyes light up as she looks at the window.
when their gums look so deliciously gummy as they smile.
when Sebastian scrunches his nose and curls his lip, showing his small teeth, when he smells flowers.
when I wake up and realize Livia slept all night.
when Sebastian kicks his sandals forward as he runs. His legs are perfect.
when their chests rise and fall as they sleep.
when Livia smiles as Sebastian gives her cars or blankets or diapers or bread.
when Sebastian fell asleep with his hands folded on his chest like an old man.
when Livia sleeps so hard her face gets squishy.
when I decide not to yell at Sebastian.
when I decide to stare at Livia instead of stare at a screen.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf instructed us that "we would do well to slow down a little, . . . focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most." I try each day to slow down and focus. And when I do, I feel a drop of heaven fall onto my heart each time.

Meet Baby Livia

I held her in my arms. "Well, that wasn't so bad, was it?" I looked up at Curtis. Really, Jessie? You were just screaming not even 4 seconds ago. They say you forget all the pain, all the burning, until you hold your baby. It's all true, at least for me. Hours of labor, completely unmedicated. I still can't even believe I did that. Let's just start from the beginning.

Maybe tonight, I thought. Well, that's what I thought every night for at least a week. Curtis and I had gone for good long walks (or at least we tried to when the weather was fair) every day to try to kickstart labor. While we were walking, I'd often feel good, strong contractions, but they would always stop once I had a chance to rest. Every morning I'd wake up, disappointed that it wasn't 3 a.m. and that I wasn't in pain. Hm.

She was due on Monday. Then came Tuesday. And Wednesday. But Thursday felt promising. I felt more tension than usual, so I texted Curtis. It turns out that he couldn't concentrate for pretty much the whole day. He'd text me about every thirty minutes to see how I was feeling. I think he was hoping to come home from work early. I was just eager to eat the spaghetti we planned for our meal that night. We could go to the hospital after that.

We timed my contractions throughout dinner: They lasted about a minute and occurred about five minutes apart. We packed our bag and set out for the hospital at about 6 p.m.

We arrived at Sunnyside Medical Center in Oregon and checked in to a small observation room. Sure enough, my contractions were good evidence of early labor and I was dilated to a 3, but the doctors thought my demeanor was entirely too cheerful to be in real labor, so they sent us away for an hour and a half. Good! Let's go get ice cream, we decided. We walked around the hospital, and to Curtis's good fortune, stumbled on a TCBY. We recommend their White Chocolate Mousse with hot fudge.

During our date, I felt more and more discomfort. Curtis sweetly ran back to the hospital to retrieve the car so I wouldn't have to walk back! We returned to our room around 8:30, and the doctor finally came back in around 8:50. They said I looked more uncomfortable, so it was likely they would indeed admit me. At this point, I was dilated to a 5. A warm tub sounded divine, so they began filling the tub and preparing my room. "What are you hoping to get out of an unmedicated birth?" the midwife asked. Well, I'm not sure. "I had an epidural with Sebastian and loved it. I hear a lot of other women talk about how empowered they feel . . . but I guess I just want to try something new." I'm sure that gave them a lot of confidence in me.

After inserting an IV line, taking some blood samples, and securing some portable monitors, I climbed into the warm water around 9:30 p.m. I was able to use meditation and yoga breathing to ease my way through each contraction.  They were coming about every two minutes at this point. I tried to sit back and spread my legs in order to prevent muscles from becoming too stiff. The heat did not take away the pain, but it did soften the intensity and relax the tension. For a little while. I started to feel as if I were becoming overheated. Curtis put cold washcloths on my face and neck.

Near 10 o'clock, I hit one contraction that just did not want to ease up. According to the monitor, most of my contractions looked like spaced hills, but this one looked like a plateau with evergreens across the top. A long plateau! Curtis got in the water to rub my neck and feet. "You're doing so great," both he and the nurses kept repeating. "Really? You think so?" I genuinely asked. I knelt down in the water so that the pressure could be taken off my back. Ooh, I nearly ripped off Curtis's shorts I was gripping them so hard. "I'm not having a good time anymore," I admitted. "I just want to be done. I don't want to do this anymore." I asked begged for an epidural. My doula reminded me that this stage of labor is usually the fastest. I don't care anymore!

The anesthesiologist came in faster than I expected! When I asked for an epidural with Sebastian, they warned that it might take up to an hour for the anesthesiologist to be ready. I felt pressure to decide quickly. This time, she was in around 10:20 and was ready with all those medical questions. Whatever. I've made my decision. I'll sign anything. 

Um—can we hold that thought? I've gotta get to the toilet.

"If you feel like you need to go to the bathroom, you might be ready to push. Let's check your cervix and you can decide if you still want the epidural." Um, pretty sure I said I wanted it. The nurses were being so patient with me! They pushed the bed over to the side of the tub, and I climbed out. I signed whatever papers I needed to to get some relief while at the same time trying to hold in my need to rush to the bathroom. I guess at the same time the midwife checked my cervix. These five minutes rushed by so quickly, and I was overwhelmed with all kinds of sensations. I don't remember seeing much detail: Voices shouting for doctors and extra hands, bodies rushing around me to situate the bed properly, Curtis running from the bathroom with fresh clothes on. I was soaking wet. They were trying to get my wet things off and dry towels on. But somewhere amid it all, one voice stood out: "You are fully dilated. You can go ahead and push!" Bring it on!

First push: my water broke. Hair could be seen. Second push: the head crowned. I needed a quick rest. Third push: the head was out! Fourth push: the rest of the body!

I held her in my arms. "Well, that wasn't so bad, was it?" It's funny how we forget everything before that moment. I still can't even believe I did that.

Livia Milan Hale was born at 10:32 p.m. We were allowed to cuddle and nurse and be a family for at least an hour and a half before nurses came in to poke and prod her. She weighed 8 pounds and 3 ounces, and measured 20 inches. They inked her feet and checked her vitals. Beautiful and healthy. Curtis gave her her first bath, and we prepared to move up to our postpartum suite.

I remember after having Sebastian, I couldn't walk for what seemed like days. Three nurses practically carried me to the bathroom for the first time. This time, I was up and taking pictures within two hours of delivery. What a difference.

I loved that with Sebastian I could relax and sleep through the night. Had I not had an epidural, I would have been past the point of exhaustion by 10 a.m. after laboring all night. I also loved that I could see what was going on in a mirror. With Livia, I wasn't paying attention to anything but the way it felt (and it went by way too fast to even think of bringing a mirror out). But I also loved that with each push I could feel my progress. I knew how much to push and when I needed to rest. With Sebastian, I had to follow the monitor to know when my contractions would help me push instead of following my body. By far, recovery was a breeze with no epidural. I tore less and felt myself immediately after delivery to enjoy the first moments with Livia. I never felt like I needed to prove anything to anybody by going natural, and I don't feel my labor with Livia was any more or less powerful than my labor with Sebastian. They were both difficult and beautiful in different ways.

The next day was full of relaxation, cuddling, and hospital fluff. Sebastian came to visit and just wanted to drive his new car on her head. He did attempt to kiss her though!